I Will Miss You
by alpha aquarii
Summary: Four words. But they're all it takes to give Jack second thoughts on killing himself. Oneshot Jackley, rated for attempted suicide


Disclaimer: I don't own Xiaolin Showdown. Duh.

Note: This is my first Xiaolin Showdown fic. I don't want people to think I'm kind of a dark person, cuz in realityI'm not- this is my only dark fic probably. This is a one-shot. Warning: Contains attempted suicide and angst.

I like JackKim better than Jackley, it's just I had this one all typed out first. My jackkim fic is coming up after this one.

I Will Miss You

Jack's POV

The rope is in my clenched hand, with knuckles white from gripping it so hard. My shoulders are hunched over in the chair I'm sitting in. I'm in my evil lair, about to make the decision that could end my life if I wanted to. And I think I do want to.

I look at the mirror bolted across my room, and an unfamiliar face stares back at me. A face that has seen too much in too little time. A pale face with circles under weary eyes. A face that bears scars from battles long ago to the present. Some barely visible. But still there.

My red hair is messy and dirty. I never bother to wash it anymore. My crimson eyes stare back at me, daring me. My face has always been naturally pale, and no matter how many times I go to the beach or stay out in the sun, my face stays this color.

This face is the only one that haunts my dreams.

And that's why I never look in the mirror anymore.

Suicide is the coward's way out, but I'm too scared to even do that. I'm afraid of pain. Afraid of death.

That's me. Jack Spicer. A being so pathetic I have given myself away to evil. All my memories are bad ones. From the time I was born to now. I hope I can end it.

Here I am. All alone. I guess I deserve it. Even Wuya's left me for Chase. The one person I've formed an alliance with.

Ha. Formed an alliance. I'm even afraid to say we're friends. But the truth is, we're not. Evil always betrays. But at the time, it was the only choice I had. And once a Heylin, always a Heylin.

In the life that I've had, I've learned not to make friends. Stay alone. Friends will only get in the way. An obstacle that people can trace to you, and the next thing you know, you're being torn apart.

You can thank my dad for that.

I finger the rope. It could be the object of my happiness, or it could be the tool of demise and guilt for myself.

I choose happiness. I slip the rope around my pale neck and make a noose. I pull on it until it is tight against my skin, tormenting myself, enjoying what I could very well make my last breath. Tighter and tighter I pull, feeling the large lump of the knot against my Adam's apple. I can feel my heartbeat in my ears, it seems to be a thousand times louder than usual. How long until it stops? I can feel my face heat up. I imagine it turning colors. I pull still tighter on the rope. I feel undescribeable pain from my chest up. Spots appear in front of my eyes. I close them, but strange patterns and colors still dance inside my eyelids. I can't breathe, but that's the point of hanging yourself, isn't it?

And suddenly I receive a stinging blow to the face and the pressure is gone. I can breathe, so I do. Looking up, opening my eyes, bewildered, I wonder if I am in heaven. It certainly seems like it- my sight is still blurry, but I think I see an angel in front of me. Piercing blue eyes, blonde hair…

I blink a few times, then my sight clears. Wait, did I just think _angel?_ It's Katnappe who is in front of me, how could I mistake _her_ for an _angel?_ And _where_ did she come from?

Her physical appearance is the same as usual, but she wears a look of concern and bewilderment. I wonder if the concern is real. Does anybody really care for Jack Spicer?

Then she slaps me again, looking stern. I barely feel the pain. "Jack! What the _hell_ did you think you were doing!"

I guess it will be alright to tell her. She'll probably be the last person I'll ever see anyway. So here goes. "Can't you see? I'm sick of this life, Ashley! So I'm ending it now, kitty litter!"

For once she doesn't respond to my insults, doesn't correct me with her 'evil' name. she simply looks stunned. "Why?" she finally asks.

"All my life all I've known is torture. Don't let them fool you. The world is a sick place. And I don't want to suffer any more!"

"You're mad, Jack. The world isn't so bad, you just have to look around and see what's in front of you."

"See? No one cares for me! No one!" I can't believe I'm actually spilling my feelings in front of Katnappe of all people!

"But people will miss you if you die. Think of all the people." She actually appears to be biting her extremely long, curved nails now.

"Oh yeah? Like who?" 'cuz that's exactally how I feel.

"Your parents will miss you."

I snort. "Yeah, right. My abusive drink-and-drive father will miss me oh-so-much. He blames me for my mother's death, you know."

"Your friends will miss you."

"What friends? I don't have any. And I don't want any either."

"The Xiaolin monks will miss you."

"You're getting more pathetic by the minute, Katnappe. They're my worst enemies. Scarring me with words and actions. Sometimes I just wish they would end it for me."

She finally appears to have run out of things to say. Genuine worry is written out all over her face. But no. I don't want sympathy, empathy, whatever. I just want to be free. Free. Free free free free fr—

"_I_ will miss you."

Those simple words are enough to stop my chains of free's. For a moment, all my thoughts stop. Ashley, a.k.a. Katnappe will miss me? I look at her strangely, but I can't read her expression. Sure, she's pretty, and can be nice I guess, but _she'll miss me?_ I try to formulate a reply, try not to let this simple statement affect me. "Yeah right?"

"Jack…" She looks nervous for some reason. "Yes, really, I will miss you. This is unbelievably hard to say on my part, but…" Her voice trails off. She looks around frantically, as if trying to see if anyone else is in the room. But no one is, so she continues.

"I've always liked you, Jack. Sure you can be a jerk, but past that…well…"

She doesn't have to continue. I'm already stunned. She likes me? Woah. I've never had a girl like me before. And even if one had, I would never had guessed it would be Katnappe. I am lost in my thoughts.

Meanwhile, she's still talking. "…so _please_ don't commit suicide, Jack. Even if you think no one cares for you, I do. I really will miss you."

For some reason I'm having second thoughts. I am quiet for a moment, digging through my heart. Deeper than ever before. Past the darkness, past the evil in me, past the feeling that the world is a horrible place to be, I realize I do like Katnappe. I just never got around to breaking the habit of thinking everyone was against me. Not paranoia, but different. Another one of my dad's nonverbal lessons.

Time to make the decision.

I drop the rope.

I stand up. "Katnappe, I… I guess I like you too."

She looks happier than I've ever seen her before, even more than when she kicked those monks butts a while ago. "So you won't commit suicide?"

I sigh. "No. I won't. Since someone _does_ care for me after all."

Shesmiles with real happiness, and I kiss her full on the lips. I half-expect her to turn away, but she doesn't. Instead she steadily returns the kiss, slipping her arms around my waist.

I guess Katnappe's words were right after all. I just had to look in front of me to find what I really wanted.

A/N: There you go! I love Jackley, but there is so little of it! I'll post this up first, then a JackKim fic that I've been working on for a while.

Anyway, this'll probably suck, but please review. I need an opinion!

I know I'm a bit fast-paced, but I'm trying to counter it.

Report cards came back! And English is officially my WORST subject out of Science, Math, Social Studies, and English. So sorry if this sucks.


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